there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
