girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
