I bet he comes in French.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
