Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
