Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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