he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
