There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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