So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize