He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
