if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
