I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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