she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
