i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
