Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
