He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
