I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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