ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
