No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
