Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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