I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize