OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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