you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
