i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
