when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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