woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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