R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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