"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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