true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
