she was so not down for the gang bang
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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