Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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