You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
