I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
