Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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