You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
