dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
