This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
