i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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