She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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