i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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