Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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