I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
