You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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