just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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