We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
