i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize