his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize