Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
