I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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