She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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