based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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