god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
