Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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