Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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