I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is my gift to your gina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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