P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.