Texts From Last Night

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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

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  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6702) Bad night (1119)
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  (718): View more from New York

  at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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  (718): at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue. http://tfl.nu/efry
  Replies (15) Good night (6473) Bad night (1168)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW

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  (403): OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/587x
  Replies (15) Good night (5221) Bad night (1277)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

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  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5867) Bad night (1177)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left

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  (918): I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left http://tfl.nu/o2bv
  Replies (1) Good night (2033) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.

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  (916): He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/zvxf
  Replies (10) Good night (696) Bad night (2054)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Tornado booty call.. dedication

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  (469): Tornado booty call.. dedication http://tfl.nu/xoaj
  Replies (6) Good night (1114) Bad night (738)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

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  (202): Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that. http://tfl.nu/hdvk
  Replies (14) Good night (2908) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.

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  (269): I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning. http://tfl.nu/k0jr
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (631)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.

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  (480): I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it. http://tfl.nu/0k0k
  Replies (8) Good night (1111) Bad night (428)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper

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  (318): she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper http://tfl.nu/ei3r
  Replies (3) Good night (871) Bad night (399)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder

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  (845): I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder http://tfl.nu/kklv
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me

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  (406): I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me http://tfl.nu/nfo7
  Replies (2) Good night (851) Bad night (233)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now

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  (905): not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now http://tfl.nu/p1h4
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (178)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  so much tequila, so little girl.

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  (406): so much tequila, so little girl. http://tfl.nu/z6if
  Replies (2) Good night (406) Bad night (245)

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