He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants