Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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