We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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