Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was born a porn star she said
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
