i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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