He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
