Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize