My first STD was from a foam party
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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