I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize