You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
