And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
