I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
