I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
