KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
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Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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