Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
