I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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