So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
